From chaos to bliss
As I sit down to write this, I can't help but reflect on how wonderful my life is now. Seriously, I am so grateful for the way my life is turning out. I have a wonderfully supportive family, an amazing partner, a beautiful son and hilarious and inspiring friends. I have a career that I love and am passionate about. My natural state right now, if I had to name it, would be "bliss".
But this definitely wasn't always the case...
I had a fantastic childhood on the east coast of Canada. I can't think of one thing I would change about it. So it really was a mystery to my parents (and myself as I reflected on it years later) when my life took a very drastic turn during my teen years. I went from being a well-behaved child terrified of getting in trouble to a completely wild and unpredictable teenager. I mean, there's rebelling and testing your limits (which is totally normal for teens to do) and then there's whatever I was doing.
I'll spare you the gory details, but I basically went off the rails. Skipping school, excessive use of hard drugs and alcohol, lying, stealing... you get the picture. It wasn't pretty. Some of my friends moved on after high school, going on to University and completing impressive degrees. They were seemingly able to control their substance abuse, or leave it behind all together. I also attempted University but soon found that partying was more important to me and I decided to drop out.
Luckily, a really great professor of mine stopped me and convinced me to enroll in my second year so I could take part in an amazing study abroad program in Cuba. I didn't realize it at then, but this was the Universe showing up for me, putting people and opportunities in my path out of the blue, It was just waiting for me to say yes.
So I went to Cuba, It was three months spent all over that country learning Spanish, meeting new people, staying with amazing families and taking in the culture. It was the longest I had gone without drugs since my early teens. I was eating fresh fruit every day, getting up early with purpose. I felt amazing. But the thing I remember most about that trip was the Cubans I met and their attitudes about life. Here were people that had far less than I could imagine in terms of money and possessions, yet they were happier than anyone I had ever met in Canada. They were grateful for everything they had. They weren't wasteful. In fact they were genius at finding new ways to use old items. It was so inspiring. I even learned how to crochet there, which became a hobby I still love!
And I wish I could say I returned to Canada and turned my life around. But apparently I really need to learn my lessons the hard way. I jumped right back into my old environment with gusto, I started partying again, only this time I was noticing how much of my life I was wasting being hungover and strung out. Having completed my trip to Cuba I dropped out of university for good and was just generally aimless in life.
First day of kindergarten!
A particularly rough morning during my teen years
On the Malecon in Havana
It was a really dark time in my life. I had a lot of really amazing friends but we were all in the same boat: drunk,on drugs, unhappy, unfulfilled, uninspired and going no where. Luckily many of these people are now living great and full lives! Which I can add to my list of things to be grateful for.
The next turning point in my life came when I decided to enroll in massage school. It was a decision that I made because I just needed to do something (anything!) and massage seemed kind of fun. I didn't know it at the time but massage would become one of my greatest passions. Going to school and discovering I loved it gave me the drive to cut some of the harmful habits and people out of my life. I ended up graduating with honours.
About a year after I finished college my boyfriend and I decided to make the big move out west. We flew from the east coast to Calgary in the middle of the winter with just our suitcases, ready to start our new adventure. This was one of the greatest things we could have done for ourselves, and I truly encourage everyone to move far away from their hometown for at least a couple years. It's hard, it's scary, it's lonely as hell, but so so worth it. Getting out of my old environment was crucial for my health and growth. I actually shudder when I think of what would have happened if I had stayed in my hometown.
Pushing myself out of my comfort zone was hard. I learned a lot about myself during those early days. I was so much stronger than I had given myself credit for. I also realized that for much of my adult life my whole identity had been "partying". I needed to find myself again.
It took me a little while to get back to myself. I found a job that changed the course of my career in the best way. I made friends, I became comfortable in the city and in my home. I stopped drinking constantly (by this time I hadn't done hard drugs in a few years). I started re-immersing myself in hobbies that I had practically abandoned during the "trouble years" (like painting and knitting and reading and yoga). Part of me felt like such a dummy for allowing myself to stray so far from the amazing person that I am. I don't regret all of my self-destructive decisions. They certainly helped shape who I am and I am definitely wiser because of them. I only regret that I continued making them for such a long time.
By the time 2018 rolled around I began studying and researching the law of attraction, and consciously manifesting life, and high-vibrational thinking. I stopped eating meat. And despite the obviously huge changes I had already made in my life, these two things felt like the biggest shift for me. I was in my late twenties and I felt truly alive and connected to the world for the first time since childhood.
I am now embarking on the next part of my life. My son was born in 2019. I have made the transition from maiden to mother, and I did it with faith and confidence in myself and my ability to care for this little spirit. I believe my son waited for me to be ready before he joined me on earth, and I'm so excited to enter this new chapter.
I'm hoping that by sharing this in-depth look at my life you can see that you don't have to start out as all "love and light". It's very possible to change your life from one of chaos and destruction to bliss and alignment!
If you have any questions, or if you feel called to reach out, don't hesitate! I would love to hear from you.